I have a lot of opinions as my children and husband know well. I’ve decided to share them in a weekly post I’ve entitled Manners by Mama. This week – how to behave at the dining table: a primer for kids (but works for grown ups too.)
Expecting 4 children to sit still for any meal for any length of time is obviously ridiculous. It’s not such a piece of cake with 1, 2, or 3 either. But generally the more there are, the harder it becomes to control them. I’ve had to come up with some ground rules so that I don’t become “Grumpy Mommy” my lovely alter-ego (and some days just my main ego.)
The rules are broken up into 3 groups and are for kids but apply to adults as well. They are rules that my children follow at our table and that I would expect them to follow at any friend’s house or restaurant. A broken Group A rule results in dismissal from the table with no chance of returning to finish the meal. A broken Group B rule results in an admonishment but the meal may continue. Group C rules can’t be broken they just exist. In order to have a successful meal, Group C rules need to be understood.
Group A
- Hands are for eating not banging
- Mouths are for talking not screaming
- Potty words are for the bathroom not the table
Group B
- Feet stay under the table
- Spit stays inside your mouth
- Hands should be kept to yourself
- Games, toys, phones and other objects find a home before sitting down
- Chairs and highchairs are for sitting not standing
- Any body part generally concealed by underwear should remain concealed for the length of the meal
Group C
- You get what you get and you don’t get upset (color of plate/cup/silverware)
- There will always be one thing on your plate you like but no guarantee you will like everything – here is a typical meal (I don’t normally take pictures of their plates lined up but this happened to be the first time we made 4 plates (one for the baby!) and we thought it deserved a picture)
- There will be no alternate meal. The meal is what it is.
- You have to try everything on your plate before you can have seconds
- If you need a napkin, milk, seconds, or anything else, you should ask with polite words (Milk please! doesn’t count as polite words – if you are big enough to speak in full sentences, you are big enough to say “May I please have some milk?”)
- I will get seconds (thirds, etc) for everybody at the same time
- You can only ever have 3 helpings of pasta/rice/bread and fruit but unlimited meat and veggies
- You never have to finish everything on your plate if you’re full (but if you don’t finish and then you tell me 10 minutes later you’re hungry, too bad AND if you ask for seconds and eat one bite and say “my belly was only hungry for one more bite” I will turn into Grumpy Mommy)
- One person talks at a time – no interrupting or shouting to be heard
- When you are finished you must ask to be excused
- You will not be excused until everyone is finished
Looking at Group C I’m feeling like I have some pretty lofty expectations for my 5, 4, and 2 year olds. The 9 month old can pretty much do no wrong at the table. He is a baby after all. Still – the others are also very little and I do set the bar high. But I have found that without rules, the kids behave like lunatics and my life is miserable. Most importantly, as with any rule, consistency is key. If I let them sing a song about poop even one time the whole system will unravel.
I should note that these are the rules in my ideal world. I try very hard to implement them but many a meal devolves into utter chaos.
I will also note that even when all of these rules are followed (maybe even especially) the kids still have plenty of fun. There are no rules about playing with your food and I’m all for experiments. Today one of the boys wanted to see what would happen if he dropped a piece of meatball into his milk. Every morning the kids turn their waffles into Mickey Mouse. I want them to have fun and be happy! I just want to do it without the screaming, banging, and general cacophony that exists when you put 4 hungry little creatures together for a meal.
Next Friday – the tipping breakdown – who, what, where and how much?
Any suggestions for an upcoming manners post? Feel free to comment and let me know what you’d be interested in hearing about!
Mama Mader at Home 