photo credit: Stacey Ilyse Photography
Question: What is the most impressive thing you have ever done?
This was one of my favorite questions because inevitably it led 27 regular women to do some self-reflection about their lives in a way that they normally wouldn’t. And to toot their own horn in a way that normally isn’t encouraged. Usually regular people don’t have the opportunity to answer questions like this. Usually it’s celebrities who are asked to reflect on their lives and toot their own horns: athletes, movie stars, musicians and other people who are admired. Ordinary moms should be admired. Toot, moms, toot.
It’s great that there are articles like the one from Oprah Magazine: 31 Celebrity Moms who Inspire Us Every Day. But we’re not all celebrities — mostly we’re not. I get annoyed with those articles because, while I suppose it comforts me that Reese Witherspoon and Chrissy Teigen have sleepless nights and never stop worrying, I resent a little bit the fact that the only moms who get the spotlight are people already in the spotlight. Mom Talk – Part 11: 27 Ordinary Every Day Moms Who Inspire Me and Will Inspire You Today and Every Day.
This is one of those questions that reveals my interviewer bias. Or if it doesn’t reveal it let me reveal it to you now: to me, far and away the most impressive thing I’ve ever done is give birth to 4 children and keep them not only alive but thriving. Sammy was 10 pounds at birth – just saying. When I asked this question in my interviews some moms questioned: personally or professionally? Some wondered— is this related to motherhood? Some flat out couldn’t think of anything. I just assumed every mother thought being a mother was the most impressive thing. Not necessarily. Some yes. What about the others?
Moms are impressed with: their professional accomplishments, growing and birthing children, overcoming personality flaws, cooking a meal that makes the kids happy, community involvement, volunteer work, achieving a balance between personal and professional lives— the feeling of doing it all, surpassing expectations and achieving more than would have been expected, athletic accomplishments, mothering, explaining things so their kids understand, making a sacrifice for benefit of the family, committing to a partner, raising good humans, surviving and thriving through hardship and heartache, becoming less selfish, graduating college, making a difference in people’s lives, managing the day-to-day, and postpartum sex.
The answers:
1. In life? The most impressive? I don’t know. How does one answer that? How would you answer that? That I don’t know.
2. On a personal scale or professional? So through work I was doing some really sexy projects and it was a lot of fun, got international coverage. It was really— it was tiring but amazing to do and amazing to see that I figured out those loopholes to do this and it was fulfilling in a way. But all of that— last year my daughter had some health problems and we didn’t know what it was for 9 months. And her lips were turning blue, she wasn’t breathing, she was vomiting. Part of that was happening in the middle of the night and I sort of had a revelation that none of my accomplishments were worth it; none of my professional accomplishments were worth it, and I didn’t care. And so I gave that up. Because I was juggling two businesses at once and they were both successful; I had the production consulting and I had the law practice and it wasn’t— production wasn’t worth it. Law isn’t worth it either but Mama has to pay the bills. So I just cut it out and I honestly haven’t really looked back. I looked back once or twice and I sort of miss it but I don’t at all and just had to move forward. So professional accomplishments, while they’re great, they don’t mean that much to me anymore after all that. And thankfully we figured out sort of what it was and we have a plan now and the symptoms have gone away and she’s been cleared by Children’s Hospital. It was a terrifying 9 months. It was terrible. And no one really understood. I didn’t really let people in. I isolated myself. It was a really bad time all around.
3. Other than grow two children in my body? That’s impressive to me. I know trillions and trillions of women have done this over the years but I still think it’s frickin’ crazy. So that’s one thing— two things because I have two kids— I’m so like I can’t believe this child came out of my body and that I grew it in my body. I know that’s how it’s supposed to be but it just still shocks me. What’s the most impressive thing I’ve ever done? Honestly I don’t think there’s any singular impressive thing that I’ve ever done. There’s nothing that I’ve done that impresses me. I’ll let you know in a few years.
Overcoming my own personality flaws has impressed me. That’s more to do with business than anything else but, you know, speaking in public, for example, is something that is just not my personality; it is not something I used to do. I used to get petrified even to get up and make a toast at a dinner table and now I can do it with ease. That was something that I kind of overcame and I’m definitely impressed with myself. But I’m equally impressed with myself I put dinner on the table and one of my kids says, “this was delicious, it’s the best thing I’ve ever eaten” and I’m like, oh my God I can’t believe I cooked a meal that my kids say is really good. When they’re like, “this is delicious, I love this!” That makes me feel so good. I’m like oh my God they liked something I cooked— that’s amazing!
4. Is this related to motherhood? That is a super hard question for me to answer because I’m not used to talking in those terms. It’s so interesting. So, impressive to other people I feel like motherhood gets taken for granted, right? Like that’s sort of a drumbeat background thing. I think to the external world my work for the synagogue and helping kids go to school for less money and getting involved in the community and reducing barriers for them maybe. I get the most feedback for that.
My kids are my most fundamental achievements— that’s for sure. Impressive I think is external. To me the word impressive— I mean the implication— is how the rest of the world sees it.
I feel like motherhood is undervalued and I feel like volunteer work is undervalued and I feel like volunteer work is fundamental to shaping society. Life and children and family are a combination of momentum, evolution and design and it’s where we apply our energy that we can shape and lend momentum to the things that are important to us.
For sure my kids are the most important. Stemming from that, my synagogue volunteer work. Being president and turning around an organization— a community that is important to me— from financial catastrophe to regular non-profit status where it’s never easy but we are doing pretty well towards achieving a pretty important mission— I feel really proud of that. Partly in the context of my kids but partly in the context of everybody’s kids. I want a really strong community in a world where on a scary front antisemitism is growing and on a positive front what makes our life enriching and has meaning and community— whether or not you believe in God whatever your theological perspective— community is a part of that. Community is important. When my kids were little in the preschool I loved that school. It was the greatest. When my kids were in middle school I thought: wow the preschool was great! What they really need right now is those preschool friends that we’ve invested in to walk into this building and feel safe and secure no matter what they’re wearing because middle school’s rough man— emotionally rough— so a community that carries and nurtures, you know, the people where, you know, we picked our family and our friends as a supplement. So I feel really proud of helping that thrive.
5. I mean, I wouldn’t really call myself impressive. But I would say something that, I think rolling into the happiness question, what gives me happiness and what makes me feel fulfilled and whether it’s impressive to other people or not is sort of impressive to me because it’s what’s important to me is sort of that balance that I was alluding to. So when it’s days when I really feel like I have been doing a great job at work and I’m really around for the kids or it’s everyone just getting along and I’m also still able to catch up with friends and see them for dinner and be really on top of my personal emails and make dinner for a friend who just had a baby and just, like, do all of these different things that are all really important aspects of my life, I think that’s where I feel I’m most impressive to myself because I’m sort of, like, doing it all. So yeah, that’s what I would say.
6. Shit. Impressive. I don’t think anything I’ve done is impressive. I think if I tell my story to people about how I grew up and where I ended up I think that’s impressive to other people. I don’t think I did anything extraordinary to get here. My parents immigrated to this country when I was 5 and my sister was 9. Lived in jersey city with my grandparents in a three bedroom apartment for my grandparents, my parents and me and my sister. Went to public schools. I did go to Catholic high school— my parents did work very hard to send my sister and I to private school— but grew up in the middle of Jersey City. Dealt with the things that kids in Jersey City dealt with and, you know, went to Rutgers. Went to regular college. And now, like I said, I’m living in this town and we are comfortable and, again, I haven’t done anything outside— I landed at Cisco as an engineer. Statistics would tell you that is not very likely but I never saw it that way. I just sort of lived my life and did what I thought was interesting and this is where I ended up. So I don’t think there’s anything impressive I’ve ever done except just ignore the world and keep going, keep moving forward.
8. Anything? Like I never thought I— I’m not an athletic person but I’m into this it’s called Orange Fitness Theory or something. So I started that a year ago. It’s just a mom friend encourage me to go so I tried it out. It’s pretty intense. It’s an hour class. It’s row, treadmill, and weight combined and you work out; your heart rate goes up it’s orange because your heart rate goes up to a range; it keeps orange or even red so that you burn more calories so that in an hour I can burn 400, 500 sometimes— that’s a lot for me. At the beginning I never thought that I could last; I thought this is a month thing. But then I just kept going back so I’ve been doing twice a week for more than a year now. So because I’m doing that, I’m eating healthier, pay attention to what I eat so I think overall I’m healthier as well and that helps you. The more workout you do the more energetic you are. Before I never realized that. I’m so tired! How can I go work out? I don’t get these women probably ran 2 miles, 3 miles every day and now I get it! Because once you’re into this mood or this momentum or this routine you keep going back. I never know I could do this. I don’t think I ever miss a class. And that also helped me doing tennis because it’s not just technique; you need the strength, the stamina, because you need to run. How do you last an hour running around? This helps. So it helps me better at tennis as well. It helps me enjoy it. And now I get it, like, before— I’m Chinese— so sports is not a big thing for us— stereotype again— but now I get it because, like, it bring so much joy to you and energy and joy so I get it now. I get it when I’m 37 but at least I get it now.
9. I always think about, well, who thinks it’s impressive? I think my family would say just being a mom. That’s what my husband would say— just being able to balance everything. He always says that I do it all and that I’m always improving. I always try to improve so I’m never complacent. I always am looking for the next improvement and I think that’s impressive.
10. Oh my gosh, as a mom? The most impressive thing I’ve ever done. That’s hard; that’s a good question. What have I done that’s impressive. I don’t know. I don’t feel like I’ve done anything impressive. I’m thinking. Impressive. Ah, I know. So when I try to explain to my son what happened to the moon when the moon was first formed the way that it hit Earth. It was called Theia. I was explaining to him a scientific idea because sometimes we watch videos together and we were watching a video of how the Earth was first formed and he wasn’t fully understanding it. So I broke it down for him and he liked the way I explained it to him; I was trying to tell him: first it crashed into the Earth and he was like, “why did it crash into the Earth?” And I try to explain to him about gravity. And I think he’s starting to understand what these things mean. And he’s like, “what is gravity?” Well when the ball rolls down the hill you can see the force of gravity. So he was starting to get it. He liked that we were talking about it. His eyes lit up because it’s something that he really enjoys thinking about. So I think I felt satisfied at that moment because it was the first time that I explained something to him scientifically that I felt like he understood. Normally if he doesn’t understand he would ask more questions or say I don’t get it. I think he understood how I explained it and I thought, okay, he got it. Great. So that was kind of cool.
What else? Sometimes he asks me to draw things that I don’t think I can draw. And I’m like, I can’t draw this 3-D dinosaur that you want me to draw. Then I started drawing it and that came out pretty well, like you could identify it. I was like, “do you know what it is?” he was like, “yeah, I get it, it’s a dinosaur.” I’m like, “do you like it?” “Yes.” I’m like, okay solved. Problem solved.
Other things are, sometimes we get compliments from other people when they see us explaining things to him. Little moments and I don’t think it’s impressive, per se, but it’s nice to get that positive feedback. I was once explaining to my son why it’s important to wash his hands and what germs are and it’s important to use the lacing your hands method and that kind of thing and one lady came up to us when we were in Savannah, Georgia and she said, “wow, I can’t believe you take the time to explain that to him.” So she seemed to like that and I thought to myself, most moms probably do that, but it was nice that she acknowledged that. It was one of those moments where you thought, maybe I’m getting better. Maybe I’m on the right track. So those are my moments, my little moments.
11. I put my very high-flying career back to be with my children. It was very, very, very hard. But I really had to sit down multiple days just all by myself to figure this out that: is this the right thing? And initially I kept on feeling: it’s not the right thing for me. I put in so many years of education. But then I just was not happy that I did not have enough time for my kids. And I was like, you know what, it was very hard but I just think it was one of the best things I have done for myself and my family. But more for myself than my family I would think.
12. Mom: School was easy. Motherhood was hard. I would say motherhood. That’s the most impressive thing for me because school came easy and that all went fine but I think motherhood. Motherhood is hard.
Daughter: I would second that in terms of— I don’t think there’s any one thing that I feel particularly proud of. And I don’t think I’ve necessarily handled early motherhood with all of the grace and strength that one might hope for. But more than I thought. More than I suspected. Like the day after he was born I thought: I’m not gonna make it; this isn’t gonna work. So I think— I don’t know. I think that I’ve had a baby that people say seems happy and that I also had to fill out my third year tenure statement while I was, like, a few weeks out. I was like, hand him over to mom for two hours. That I was still able to do those things. Not necessarily as well as I could have before and maybe I wasn’t quite as in tune a mother because I was doing those other things but the fact that I tried to do everything and he still seems okay. Statement turned out fine.
Being able to build a life— that I’m starting to build that life that brings in the things that I care about and the people I care about is what I’m most proud of. But it’s still a work in progress. And some days I think I’m just not doing either and other days I wake up with more of a positive attitude and I think: I’m doing it! I’m doing it. He took a nap on me, then I gave him to his dad and I wrote those three emails and that’s what I did.
13. You’re saying in general—
I think the most impressive thing I’ve ever done is— I think it’s committing to my relationship with my husband. Just to choose— like I said I’m a pretty type A person so I feel like I’ve had other more impressive accolades. I’m ambitious and I want to achieve things. But truthfully the hardest thing for me is that choice to every day get up and show love to someone in whatever form that needs to take for that day and to choose to do that over and over and over again as you both evolve as people. Being able to do that probably for me is the most impressive.
14. Gosh I don’t know. I don’t know that it’s the most impressive thing but I think it was really difficult when my dad was sick trying to be there for my mom, my brother and also raise children and have a spouse. I think going through a difficult time like that was super challenging and somehow everyone was still okay in the long run if that makes sense. I don’t know, I think getting to the other side of that was really big.
15. I think it’s in the future because it’s not yet. The most impressive thing I’ve ever done. Like as a parent or in general? I mean I guess you could say the most impressive thing I’ve ever done is have kids but it’s not that it’s that impressive; I mean, you have sex and then you have a baby so it’s kind of amazing that that’s how it works. For some people. For some people it’s different.
I think if my kids wind up being well-adjusted good citizens of the world I’ll feel really good about that. I just realized I don’t have full control over that. I don’t know. The balance of running a business, starting it, and then having a family and trying to keep all the balls in the air? But I don’t know if that’s impressive as much as literally what’s needed for survival. I don’t know. I’d have to give that some thought.
16. I would say the most impressive thing that I’ve ever done would probably also be the hardest points in my life and there were two. One was when I was 19 and my dad died very suddenly. I think people can take adversity and sadness and grief and shock and they can do one of two things: they can face it and overcome it or they can succumb to it and just let it drag them down and use it as an excuse. I sort of just was like, okay, this is my new reality and so, you know, I finished college and I was like, I’m gonna go for my Master’s. And I worked full time, I went to school, and I put myself through two Master’s programs. I wasn’t handed anything. I had to work and earn for every single thing that I have. And I think that that shapes you. It makes you stronger and it makes you— you are hungry— I was hungry. I wanted to do it and I like doing things myself because I like the way I feel when I do things for myself. What was the question again?
So that was one. The second one has to do with this little guy [her dog]. Back in 2011 I just wasn’t feeling right. I went to the doctor and they were like, “oh, you’re anxious you probably need a Xanax.” And I was like, “no, I’m not anxious. I’m anxious because I’m telling you that I don’t feel well and you’re not hearing what I’m saying.” So I was saying that my heart was pounding. It was beating really fast and I wasn’t exercising. They said, “oh, you’re probably having a panic attack” and I said – no. So I said, “listen, here’s what we’re going to do— give me a Holter monitor and let’s just see. What do you have to lose? Give it to me.” I had to advocate for myself and speak up on my behalf. Long story short, I did have a heart condition called SVT where the electricity in your heart— everybody has a pathway that regulates how many times your heart beats in a minute. My heart had an extra pathway so that when the electricity took the wrong path my heart would speed up and race. Even if I was sitting on the couch my heart rate would get up to like 190. And it feels weird. And it sort of messes with you because it was right when I was like, you know, thinking we were going to start to have a family and like, can I have kids? Should I divorce my husband so he can go meet somebody else so that he can have kids?
So I went through it. One procedure was unsuccessful; they couldn’t do it. And I was like I’m not going to be on medicine for the rest of my life. Understand that I am a big ball of puss: needles, everything freaks me out. And I think a lot of it has to do with my dad dying very suddenly, like, I’m a little bit of a hypochondriac. And I think it stems from losing him suddenly. But I found another doctor and I went to him and he’s like I can fix you and I’m like let’s go. I’ve got shit to do, I want to have kids, I want to get back to me. He fixed me. I went in cold turkey. No sedatives, nothing, up— like up— in the OR, like, they put two catheters up your groin, and they basically put this thing on your heart and they flick it. I couldn’t believe I was doing it; I was like oh my God I’m such a badass. But he fixed it. And that got me— I was like if I can do that, I’m pretty good.
So it relates to my dog because when I first got sick after the first time they couldn’t ablate me successfully my husband got me a dog. And this is him— and he is my little buddy. He makes me feel better. So I would say those are the two things.
My dad had an infection that got into his blood stream and he died of septic shock. My dad was someone who never went to the doctor. I saw him go to the doctor two days before he died. And they told him that he just probably had an ear infection that’s why he was dizzy. I wish sometimes— when I was in my procedure I remember I was like— Dad, you gotta come down and do me a solid. I was like get me through this, push me through it, give the doctor strength. I’m tired of being scared all the time that I’m going to have an episode. I’m angry a little bit sometimes because he should have gone to the doctor. He missed a lot. I had just graduated from high school so I didn’t even start my life, really. He just missed a lot. But, you know, it is what it is. I think he’s here. I think he sees stuff or that he’s aware. You have to have that little inkling of somehow— It shaped who I am though.
What happened to me in my childhood or my life that made me face it and not succumb to it? That’s something I think about when I raise my kids. They have it a little differently than I had it. I was a little hungrier. I didn’t live in a big house. We had a nice apartment; it was an apartment. We weren’t rich by any stretch of the means but I was happy and I never thought about stuff like that.
I want my kids to have character. I don’t want them to think that everything just comes to them. I want them to see that other kids don’t have stuff. Because you have a nice room full of— you have a playroom. I didn’t have a fucking playroom. I had a couple of dolls, some board games and that was it. If I had ever said I don’t want to play with this anymore my mother would have chucked that shit in the garbage and been like, okay! Sometimes I’m a little— I don’t want to say ghetto or tough with them— but I threw away one of their toys once because she was like “I don’t want that” And I was like “garbage.” And she was shocked. Yeah. There are kids that don’t have toys to play with or don’t have a snack to eat, or clothes or a book to read, or whatever the case is. I want them to understand the world is not rainbows and butterflies, but at what age do you teach that? My mom’s like, well maybe wait a little while. Because it builds character. It’s going to build your character. But I don’t know how to teach that. Do you have to live it in order to understand it? My kids have a fucking pool in our yard. You know what I mean? You’re lucky, right? They do chores. I’m like, “make your bed.” My older daughter is like I don’t know how. And I’m like, “no problem, I’ll help you.” The playroom’s a mess. When they come home they’re going to clean it. Because if they don’t, I’m going to grab a garbage bag. You’re going to learn. I really think about that a lot. They’re not living it. And I think that you learn things through experience.
17. I should say the children. But I don’t know. That’s a really great question. I’m really proud of the fact that I worked my whole life to get a college scholarship to FSU to play soccer. But I mean if I really want to say impressive— that I’m a mom right now. It’s still— like I said— when I walk through the city I’m like, I can’t even believe sometimes that I’m not just thinking of myself. I thought about myself a lot. I’m not a super selfless person. I mean I am with friends but I’m pretty self-focused and now that I’m not so self-focused it’s definitely, I guess, impressive that I’m more focused on two other people. I have no big feat.
18. Hm. Well obviously just physically birthing a child is a miraculous and intense event that if somebody asked me if I would be able to do it before I did it I would say no. And I only had that experience once; I’ve heard from other people it gets a little better over time. Becoming a mom was definitely one of them. I don’t feel like I have any other huge momentous accomplishments. There are things in my life I derive pleasure from, there are things I think I’m good at but motherhood is probably the most important thing I think I’ve done.
19. Wow. That’s so interesting. What is the most impressive thing that I have ever done? I’m a girl from the Bronx with awesome parents and very humble beginnings and I do think it’s pretty impressive how my parents’ upbringing have let me to where I am because things could have gone very wrong very many a day. Our building was nice but the neighborhood was not the greatest. It was rough. It was rough, you know? There weren’t those expectations. They don’t expect where I come from— the fact that I went to private school— everybody teased me and called me uppity. It just was not the expectation to rise and to— even just to become a homeowner, to go to college. But those were my parents’ goals. To me, the most impressive thing I’ve done for my family was to be a college graduate. My mother went but she went after she already had children and they wanted me to go. That’s not the way that you should go but they wanted me not to struggle. So my family, the most impressive thing I think, which is probably something that’s very simple for others but it wasn’t for my family at all was to go to school on time and graduate.
And for myself— probably my career. I’ve done a lot of good things in my career. While they’re small things for some people, I know that there’s a lot of children out there in the world today that will remember me, you know? My homeless kids, I got people to donate money to take them on a trip to Sesame Place and they were just so grateful and so happy. I changed that homeless shelter around so that my kids were ready when they went to school. Because back then in NYC you didn’t have to go to school till first grade. So they didn’t have to go to Kindergarten. So a lot of them were going to first grade and just didn’t know anything. They didn’t know their ABCs yet and they were just already behind. So we had an on-site childcare and I worked with them to make sure that these kids knew something. I told the parents: bring those children down. If they didn’t bring the children down I sent the workers up to get them. I don’t care if the kid’s in their pajamas, bring them down and let them learn. So I feel like there’s a lot of families out there that feel strengthened from my work and I’m very proud of that. I want to make a difference if you can. I want to give them what I had. And a lot of people just don’t know. They don’t have the information. If New York City says you don’t have to send your kids to school till first grade then, okay, I’m a 21 year old mother; I’ll send them in first grade. They don’t know. So things have changed since then and now they have a Pre-K 3 and they can start going from 3 years old but before that it wasn’t. Personally that’s what I’m most proud of. Those little things.
20. Raising two incredible children who I just adore and love with every ounce of who I am.
21. Like besides this? I do feel like this business is a big deal for me and it feels in many ways like my first child. And they feel like— obviously I love him more than I love my business— but it feels like a similar life accomplishment.
22. I can’t think of anything.
23. [No response.]
24. As a mom? Or like before? I don’t know that there’s a specific instance that comes to mind. There must be something where I’m like that was awesome. In my head there’s some sports-related things that I was like, that was really great. But, like, that’s not the most impressive thing I’ve ever done. I think of it like a specific time or instance where I did something that I felt was, like, above and beyond or that came naturally to me that was, like, other people wouldn’t necessarily have done it. Or like it almost feels like a defining moment. When you say what’s the most impressive thing. If it were like an early promotion or saving someone or I’m not sure. What do other people say?
I don’t know. The first thing that comes to mind is like, what are my characteristics that define me? When have I displayed that in a major way? My first thoughts are like when have I stood up for other people when they haven’t stood up for themselves or when have they needed help and I was there? But those are small moments that weren’t small for me and them but small in that, like, those are more everyday things. The first thing that came to mind, and this wasn’t even that impressive, but like my daughter got— one of the hardest days I ever had— she is really good at the doctor. She loves it. She talks about shots and vaccines all the time. It’s not a big deal. And she had all these splinters and she lost it. She was in the doctor’s office and they had to take them out and she’s screaming and they had to put her in the papoose and it was terrible and I came home and I was so drained. I had to look away from her so she couldn’t see that I was crying because I was like, this is terrible this is everything you don’t want to be happening. So in my own head it’s impressive that I was able to get through that, but like, not really because 1. You don’t have a choice and 2. It had to happen and lots of moms have to do that all the time so it’s not particularly impressive; but that was something that came to mind so it must have been something that made a big impression on me.
I think of it as something that makes you stand out in a way like who you are and— not better— just everyone has their strengths so, like, this is where you’re excelling. So in my head the way that I excel is my ability to be there for other people so I’m trying to think of a time when I was really there for someone else but a lot of those are smaller day-to-day things. I don’t know. I’d have to think about it. I’m sure there’s something.
This isn’t impressive to me but my husband travels a lot and it’s fine but then I have to maintain two kids and two dogs and that’s not that big a deal to me because this is my life. But we were at my parents’ beach house and I didn’t bring the dogs and one of the kids was like why didn’t you bring them and I was like well your mom and dad asked me not to and their mom was like, “well it’s a lot for your aunt to handle two kids and two dogs” and I was like, “that is my life: two kids and two dogs.” Maybe it’s a lot but I don’t think it’s a big deal so maybe that’s what’s impressive: my ability to manage the day-to-day without feeling super overwhelmed all the time. So maybe that’s it: just like, I’m impressed with my own ability to manage our day-to-day without feeling overwhelmed. But I don’t think that’s the most impressive thing I’ve ever done. That’s just me figuring out life. This is like doing life.
25. I mean I would say having these two kids. That and the postpartum sex after 6 weeks because you’re taking one for the team there’s just no doubt about it. There’s just no winners there. Well your husband— your partner’s the winner. But definitely having the kids.
After my first— she was born in early November. So right around Christmastime was like the 6 weeks and I was like, alright merry Christmas here we go let’s try it. And it was horrible. And I didn’t think it was going to be that bad because I had a C-section. I was like oh, it’ll be fine. It was horrible. I felt like worse than being a virgin again. I was like take it out. Take it out. I don’t know what we need to move this process forward but this is horrible. And it took us a few months for me to feel like I wasn’t sacrificing myself. Not to be too graphic.
26. As a mother? Hm. I don’t know. That’s an interesting question. I don’t think I’m a particularly impressive person. This is going to sound like nothing. It really isn’t much but I would say managed— I don’t know— sometimes I think keeping two children alive is impressive. So I’ll go with that. Keeping two children healthy, happy and alive and also managing without losing my mind when I was 9 months pregnant with a 4 year old when my husband was in the hospital with his appendectomy. Not like a marathon or anything but, you know. That’s where my mind goes.
27. Giving birth. I’ll tell you a funny story: I remember when they wheeled me out of the delivery room with my first and I looked around and I thought to myself: everyone here was born. Somebody had to go through this for every person walking on the Earth. I was astounded.
Coming up: Mom Talk – Part 12: What do you want most?
Mama Mader at Home 